{"id":3263,"date":"2024-05-04T10:52:37","date_gmt":"2024-05-04T02:52:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bangsamororeview.com\/main\/?p=3263"},"modified":"2025-04-21T20:38:25","modified_gmt":"2025-04-21T12:38:25","slug":"wedding-songs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bangsamororeview.com\/main\/wedding-songs\/","title":{"rendered":"Wedding Songs"},"content":{"rendered":"

Abdulhamid Alawi Jr.<\/em><\/p>\n

Wedding Songs<\/strong><\/p>\n

Like music trends, maybe we dance to changing customs. Let\u2019s listen to conversations between sisters Aliyah and Aisha and between father and son Amir and Jamil.<\/p>\n

Aminah\u2019s Wedding, 1993, Marawi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Aminah sat quietly, her hands folded on her lap. She tries to gracefully accept the surge of tradition that just defeated her and that none of her siblings, Amir, Aliyah, nor Aisha, fought for her. All rageful emotions dissipated with every tear that dropped. In her fate and of the customs, she tries to find meaning. She sees none. They have rendered her stoic even to the audible chat of her sisters just outside the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow is she?\u201d Aliyah asked the younger Aisha.<\/p>\n

\u201cAte Minah is dressed and resting inside. I locked the door, keys safe in my pocket. The climate is perfect, and I saw so many relatives when I passed by the venue. The music they play is so fitting! Perfect.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo we have a choice?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRelatives?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFunny, Aish. You\u2019re still bitter about some uncles rejecting your suitor\u2019s marriage proposal. I was referring to the song. Every wedding nowadays plays Kenny G. His are not even songs.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust to clarify, I now hate that suitor too. I realized he did not put much effort into pursuing our family. Our uncles did not accept marriage proposals because I\u2019m the youngest. You and Ate Minah should be sent off first. Is it my fault if I\u2019m the prettiest and in trend? Also, Ate Leah, these saxophone masterpieces are songs. Anyway, thanks to me, it\u2019s the first wedding that plays the new Kenny G song.’<\/p>\n

Aisha, always with an ear for the latest fad, tried to infuse the traditional wedding atmosphere with a touch of modernity. Her subtle involvement was her way of pushing against the boundaries set by norms that bored her.<\/p>\n

\u201cMany I attended played just ‘Silhouette.’\u201d Aisha continues, \u201c \u2018Breathless\u2019 is such a better match. Everyone\u2019s nervous during weddings.\u201d<\/p>\n

At this point, Aliyah bounced in, \u201cThey have titles and meanings?! Enough of the music talk. When will the groom\u2019s party arrive?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am not so sure, Ate Leah. Will they fetch her here before or after solemnization?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAfter. You must keep yourself updated with our own culture as you are with the latest showbiz and music. This is how it usually pans out. First, guests wait at the venue. The groom attempts to follow if no male relatives of the bride ask for lantong <\/em>along the way. If their party satisfies our male cousins and uncles, he may proceed, and the Imam will be there to solemnize by reading the necessary khutba.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen they proceed here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. If he satisfied our demand for luka sa gibbon<\/em>. If he does, we open her door for him. He then returns to the venue with Ate Minah.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow much would you think we\u2019ll receive?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, male relatives came up with 30,000 for lantong<\/em> set up at the intersection. We hope to match that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLet me count\u2026 500,000 for dowry given last night, 30,000 for lantong<\/em> at the road. The most they\u2019ll give us for luka sa gibbon<\/em> here at her room is 20,000. A fitting total from the groom\u2019s family: 550,000. Just right for our family stature.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHere they come.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUpdate. Auntie got to them first at the main door and claimed our luka sa gibbon<\/em> for us ladies. We will just have to open Minah\u2019s door.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHaha, they gave in at the first door. I knew the groom did not want his relatives to wait long at the venue. Let\u2019s all go in and get her.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, go! But let\u2019s go in first.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh my, her eyes are so swollen.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you expect? It\u2019s her first time to meet her groom. Stupid custom.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey say it\u2019s Islam.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, it\u2019s fate. Isn\u2019t acceptance of Qadr a key to piety?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe, but the consent. Far from Islamic rules on consent that I know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLuka sa gibbon isn\u2019t part of our faith, but you\u2019re okay with it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cStop it. Let\u2019s just offer dua and prayers for Minah.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMay our sister be happy. Ameen.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s probably her fault too. Why would she reject so many proposals in the last five years when she was almost 30?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe have expiry dates?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe is even lucky that the handsome groom our uncles picked is from a great lineage and related to the Governor. One uncle even said that her name, Aminah, was fated to be entrusted with our clan through her children. Her children will be okay.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMay Allah bless our Ate Minah.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAmeen, Ate Leah. Let the groom in.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamilah\u2019s Wedding, 2003, Iligan.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cWere it not for Aminah, there would not be any wedding! This event stomps on my pride,\u201d Amir shouted at his son Jamil, who was on guard along the road. \u201cWhy were they so in a hurry for all of these?\u201d<\/p>\n

Somehow, Amir felt that he was a victim to Aminah\u2019s newfound power in the family. It\u2019s as if Aminah came back in rebellion against her family, and he had to bear the brunt of it. He looks back to his possible role in her wedding. If there was any at all, it was minuscule, he thinks to himself. Aminah should not have crossed him.<\/p>\n

\u201cCalm down, Abi. Auntie Minah feared that if Ismael and Jamilah were not wed sooner, there was a higher probability that another suitor from closer relatives might win over your favor. She knows how Jamilah would be devastated if she\u2019s wed to anyone else. M&Ms was fated to happen, they said.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cM&Ms?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNicknames of the groom and bride. Mael and Mila,\u201d Jamil addressed his father’s confusion.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow about my Maratabat<\/em> as a father? Who gave Jamilah that Nokia anyway, Jam? The boy got to her with those texts. I guarded your sister well.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAte Mila needed the phone. It was easier to pick her up at school. We were not giving her load, but the guy gave her load cards even after graduation. He kept calling too.\u201d<\/p>\n

No matter how large or little the issues raised by his dad, Jamil tries to patiently respond as a good son trying to comfort a distressed elder. He thinks to himself, how could Jamilah do this to their father? Jamil understood his father’s pain, the sting of perceived dishonor.<\/p>\n

\u201cAminah with these wedding decisions and plans. What has happened to our society? We have Aminah and Jamilah deciding now. I lose face at male relatives noticing that she\u2019s calling the shots. She sure has learned how to leverage her husband\u2019s influence over me. Have you seen her husband?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s doing well at the venue, welcoming everyone. Guests will be looking for him, the Governor\u2019s first cousin. I\u2019m sorry if things are not going exactly as you want it, Abi. Aunt Aminah told me clan matters are balanced with negotiations and concessions.\u201d<\/p>\n

In the years that passed, Aminah, not being able to have her own children, helped take care of Jamilah. She saw Jamilah as her own daughter. “My Milah,” as she calls her, was vibrant and full of life. She also saw a reflection of her own once-dormant hopes.<\/p>\n

Aminah was not able to plan her own destiny, but in the weaving of Jamilah\u2019s story, she had altered the pattern of their family\u2019s tapestry. It was a bittersweet victory, the knowledge that her sacrifice had borne fruit in the happiness of another. The negotiations had been delicate, a balancing act of respect and subtle defiance. She thought she was able to put into good use the influence of her husband\u2019s family. Aminah had worked the threads of tradition with a gentle hand, advocating for Jamilah’s right to choose, to love, over her father\u2019s high standards and pride.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen is the groom\u2019s convoy arriving?\u201d Amir impatiently snaps. \u201cAt least I get some recompense after this insult.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou should be at the venue, father. The Governor and the Congressman may arrive anytime.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey will attend? Alhamdulillah. I can rush down to the venue after this. It\u2019s barely 50 meters away via the footpath. Cars will have to go around the curve. I came up here to check on you, my son. Why would you lead the lantong stakeout?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTo fortify our stand, father. The groom\u2019s dad relayed they won\u2019t hand in anything more than 20,000.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?! Wait until we show them my baby ArmaLite.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAbi, we can\u2019t brandish that here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause we\u2019re in Iligan! Another stupid decision from Aminah. For all we know, they may not even give any and then be allowed to pass. Custom is dying. It is not about the money. We lose the prestige; we lose proving our worth.<\/p>\n

\u201cHere we go again. Abi, she just didn\u2019t want another arranged marriage. She said she cried a bucket during her own wedding. She cried more when both ustad and lawyer friends advised her against backing out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIndeed, at that time then Minah thought her being enrolled in law school could save her, huh? No number of friends can stop fate. How about you, when will the school year start?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIn a week.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s take something from this waiting along the road with my giving some words of wisdom. My dear son, we have cultural weight.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBy weight, you mean value?\u201d Jamil quickly chances on the favorable change in topic.<\/p>\n

\u201cBlood is influence. Your looks count. People\u2019s impression of your religiosity counts. Continue the kind gestures and magnanimity we teach you because those are important. Choose an amiable wife. Your affluence is estimated by our properties and, more importantly, your job or on finishing law school after high school and college. These and many other factors will be the basis for how our clans will weigh you, my dear golden boy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy weight. Lineage, looks, faith, manners, spouse, and whether I become a lawyer?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere are no clear-cut rules and basis. Some say there is Hadith on those, and I see practicality in them. For me, patience with relatives and being giving helped me a lot in life. Allah blessed me through my support to them. Relatives give back kindness. Just keep those in mind as you mature. A lot of those you\u2019ll pass to your wife and the children she will bear for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I was born for you\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy are you suddenly singing?!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd the choice was never ours\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cStop this haram song!\u201d<\/p>\n

This time, his father\u2019s intensely shrieking voice was harder to appease. His father\u2019s issue now has gone to the level of his act of singing. As he stopped himself, a realization dawned on him. The traditions that held his father captive were the very chains he also probably could break. The thought of his own future, potentially shackled by the same expectations, started a seed of self-determination in his heart.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry, I can hear the wedding song from here. This David Pomeranz song reminds us of our culture\u2019s concept on Kuris<\/em>, makes it easier for arranged spouses to process their situation. Plus, I remember you singing ‘King and Queen of Hearts’ with a guitar years back. I heard that song too played earlier.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was long ago, son. New ulama relatives have guided me to abhor songs that destroy our youth. Maybe going back to instruments and flute songs during Aminah\u2019s wedding can make this wedding less cursed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe lyrics worry you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFor most songs, the lyrics are immoral.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamil\u2019s Wedding, 2013, Cagayan de Oro.<\/strong><\/p>\n

“These Maher Zain songs and lyrics are perfect! Baraka Allahu lakuma wa Baraka \u2018alaykuma wa Jama\u2019a baynakuma fi\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGoodness, stop!\u201d Aliyah interrupted Aisha\u2019s humming.<\/p>\n

Aisha\u2019s face quickly turned reddish. Her mood changed from being inspired to being annoyed by the sudden scolding. She was motivated because of her earlier interaction with the venue manager on songs to play. She was drawn to him and found a kindred spirit in him who knew a lot about music too. This wedding seemed to serve as a turning point for Aisha. Her interaction with him was liberating, a realization that while her family\u2019s traditions formed the backdrop of her life, they did not need to dictate her many decisions in life. She is still single after all these years.<\/p>\n

Aisha retorts, \u201cWhy stop the Islamic song? Are you a haram police now like Kuya Amir?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo Nasheed will match this wedding! No Islamic lyrics will fit. Why are we marrying kids who eloped?! People assume zina!\u201d Aliyah fired back.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause we\u2019re tired of rido, Ate. We are lucky the girl\u2019s family didn\u2019t tie Jamil to a tree and slaughter him. Those acts can very well fall into acceptable vendetta for running away with a girl. It helped that Ate Aminah\u2019s husband is related to the bride\u2019s family.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do we have to thank Aminah for? She started this! She spoiled Amir\u2019s daughter, Jamilah. Now the son has gone berserk.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJamil will manage. He said he will still pursue his studies in law as his father wished. Minah may have started it for our family, but many clans have the same issues. Times have changed indeed. We can\u2019t control kids nowadays. We just hope Kuya Amir will soon reconcile with his son.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jamil, sitting on stage, is on the brink of his own wedding. However, it is one that bore no resemblance to the ones his father could have envisioned for him. Jamil felt the weight of his decision. He had chosen love over tradition, his heart over his family’s honor. The knowledge of his father’s hurt pressed heavily. Jamil wrestled with his guilt and his conviction.<\/p>\n

Jamil consoles himself that he has made the right choice. This was not just a union of two hearts; it was a statement of change, a declaration that tradition can give way to the right to choose love at times. He will be assured of himself more every time he will gaze at his lovely bride who is about to sit next to him in a few minutes.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho is this girl anyway? I don\u2019t know many of her relatives.\u201d Aliyah, asks Aisha, wanting to investigate the new member of the family. \u201cThe narration of lineage has gone from an hour of enumeration in past weddings to just a few lines of speech now. I heard from someone they had Chinese blood.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe look more Chinese with her morena skin,\u201d Aisha giggly replies. \u201cDid you know she sent him very private photos of her online? She is so into texts, chats, and meet-ups. Young girls now are exposing themselves too much. Technology is not so much a boon as it is a bane. Fits her stature that her dowry includes everything. Wedding costs, luka sa gibbon, and lantong. I see it as one simple package for her worth. That is a lot less worry for us on being held up along the road and not being able to enter her room when Jamil fetches her after solemnization.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere will be no fetching at all. She will be here at the venue a few moments after\u00a0 Jamil, her father, and the solemnizing officer have exchanged words. How convenient.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cConvenient for us from the groom\u2019s side.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut many from our side can\u2019t attend. They are complaining about Cagayan. It seems we get farther away from our hometown in every wedding.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMost protests to this wedding are from those based in Marawi. The farther we are, the lesser the issues. We have enough relatives who made it. I know we must have the right mix of clan families as witnesses. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s really God who blesses the matrimony or the clan presence.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you know who convinced the bride\u2019s relative that we need not hand to them separate amounts for lantong<\/em> and luka sa gibbon<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAminah?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNope. The religious cousins of both the bride and groom. One simple Mahr is what they requested. The simplicity of our religion worked to our advantage.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll these changes, I hope our practices change for the better.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs great as Maher Zain lyrics, Aish?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Ate Leah. Now can I go back to listening to him? I told the cute manager of this venue, who added me on Facebook, to make sure to play ‘For the Rest of My Life’ before the night expires.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Abdulhamid Alawi Jr. Wedding Songs Like music trends, maybe we dance to changing customs. Let\u2019s listen to conversations between sisters Aliyah and Aisha and between father and son Amir and Jamil. Aminah\u2019s Wedding, 1993, Marawi. Aminah sat quietly, her hands … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3263","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fiction"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":false,"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bangsamororeview.com\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3263","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bangsamororeview.com\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bangsamororeview.com\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bangsamororeview.com\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bangsamororeview.com\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3263"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bangsamororeview.com\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3263\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3264,"href":"https:\/\/bangsamororeview.com\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3263\/revisions\/3264"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bangsamororeview.com\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3263"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bangsamororeview.com\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3263"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bangsamororeview.com\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3263"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}