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Razul A. Ariz

He’s half-sleep while rummaging his phone under the pillow beside his head and snoozes all the ringing alarms he sets before he goes to bed. This is the usual scenario that happens every time he sets the alarm for Fajr’s prayer. They seem battling with his scheduled alarm – whenever the alarm rings, he automatically swipes the snooze button.

Before he sleeps, he conditions himself and plans to do lots of things for the succeeding days but ends up slacking til the sun rises. Thus, he will be waking up with guilt and disappointment from missing intentionally one of his religious obligations – his morning prayer.

That day was a sudden shift from the tide. Long before his alarm was supposed to ring, he woke up as if someone made him do it. As his routine whenever he’s awake, he utters the dua “Alhamdulillahilladhi ahyana ba’da ma-amatana wa ilayhin nushur” – a supplication that offers gratitude to the Almighty for making him awake from his sleep.

For minutes, he stays in a lying position while staring blankly at the ceiling – he thinks about how melancholic life is, as time passes by swiftly yet progress is as torpid as a sloth; he’s exhausted in navigating the essence of life. After he gathered enough courage, he rose from his beddings and the rustling sound of his malung echoed in the dimly lit room.

Thereafter, he fixed his beddings, folded his malung, and put it above the pile of pillows arranged beside the bed headboard. He then grabbed the hanging white thobe behind the door and shook it off to dust any elements in contact with it. There were times, while he was lying on his bed, he felt a bit eerie staring at the spooky figure cast by his hanged thobe as if it was like a mangunsinà sneaking him all the time and perhaps would devour him at any possible moment.

As he walked along the bumpy road toward the masjid, the towering concrete houses were still asleep. A gentle breeze orchestrated by the blinking lights of the fireflies along with the symphonious serenade of crickets greeted him on that dawn which made him clasp his both shoulders as the shudder ran through him. “Hmm, këpya në sënggyup në sámbël ë nya” (hmm, the scent of this breeze is delightful) he mumbled; deep inside he realized how lucky he was for this bare minimum life privilege.

After a short while, the muadhin – the prayer caller, from the distant masjid called the qamat, the second or last call for jamaah before the congregational prayer commences. The line on that qamat saying “hayya alas salah, hayya alal falah” (come to prayer, come to success) gave him a lightbulb moment for his been clamoring for life stability for years without knowing that success is always calling him every day.

As he’s approaching the rusty dilapidated gate eroded by rainy and sunny seasons, the solar street light beside it shuts and paves a melancholic light on his way.

He lifted and swung open the gate which created a clunking sound, echoing on the quiet masjid’s courtyard as its metal panels moved against the hinges. He noticed how long those sagging gate panels covered with worn-out cyclone wire guarding the masjid’s threshold for unnumbered years from the access of stray dogs. He stopped for a while and peeked at the ajar masjid door and the jamaah, perhaps consisting of two, and an Imam about to commence their first raka-ah of salatul Fajr.

In a desire to catch up at the commencement of the prayer, he hastily strode to the washing area: washed his hands simultaneously, gargled water repeatedly, and concluded it by washing his feet. Despite the freezing water, he still managed to finish his ablution in the manner of how it was supposed to be performed. He then hurriedly entered the masjid, uttered the supplication, and proceeded to the saf of the jamaah to pray.

The prayer goes on, and then the imam concludes the congregational prayer by pronouncing “Assalamu alaykum warahmatullah” facing right then left. While, he, as a Masbuq, completes his prayer and stands for his last rakaah. Amid his standing, a spine-chilling breeze sweeps inside the masjid. He suddenly recited out loud melodiously the fatiha and a surah, probably, certain ayahs from surahtul Jin.

As how it ends, the salah concluded with salam and right after that, he read some Dhikr. “Alhamdulillah” he mumbled, painting a curve on his lips as a manifestation of being grateful for his little milestone that day – his salah. He then stood and walked towards the exit and left the masjid.

The imam awaited him outside and tagged along leaving the masjid. Out of concern, he suddenly said “Dátù, umeyka masbuq ta në nya det në mësulën bu i këpëmbátya ta së Fatiha ëndu sëkëb angh” (When we’re masbuq, it is required for us to recite our prayer silently) … “nya tëbya ë di’ ipëdsulën në umeyka ëdën màmum ta” (Not unless, when we have a màmum) he added in a hush and humble tone.

This perplexed him and he didn’t grasp the purpose of why the imam said that. Yet he replied by saying “Uwëy bápa Imam, nëpëngëgyan námi bun i námba së madrasah”(𝘠𝘦𝘴 𝘜𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘦 𝘐𝘮𝘢𝘮, 𝘸𝘦’𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘢𝘩).

Then, the imam said, “Ah, këgina kë nëpëngëgyan nëngka bun bësën në di’ kë dën pëmbëlumënëy i metu së këgína ëntu kë’ di’ intu pëkëustu.” (I see, since you’ve encountered it in your lesson, you should never repeat how you performed it how a while ago, for it is not accurate).

“Ustu bun mën bási i’ntu bapa Imam, kë ngen pën bësën i ma’mum ku ëntu ë kimëbit së láki këgína. Tu mëngúda ëntu ë nëkëlámbung së mëputi” he explained.” (I think that was accurate bapa Imam, how about that màmum who tapped my shoulder awhile ago – the lad in white lambung).

The imam chuckled and said “mësëbëlëw kë mámbù ë wátà. Sëka bu i másbuq këgína ëntu, da’ dën nëkëtúndug pën së lëka.”(You’re a joker kid. You’re the only masbuq a while ago;no one comes after you) He patted his shoulder and said “Na metu dën ba, tumálus ëku dën.” (Okay, I will go then).

He was left cemented on that road holding his trembling knees as fear enveloped his whole system due to the surge of that horrible information. Yet, after his sanity returned, he uttered to himself while pondering “mëpya pën silán kë pëkëëpas pën pëdsambáyang!” (how fortunate they are for they still dare to pray).

 

Abdulhamid Alawi Jr.

Wedding Songs

Like music trends, maybe we dance to changing customs. Let’s listen to conversations between sisters Aliyah and Aisha and between father and son Amir and Jamil.

Aminah’s Wedding, 1993, Marawi.

Aminah sat quietly, her hands folded on her lap. She tries to gracefully accept the surge of tradition that just defeated her and that none of her siblings, Amir, Aliyah, nor Aisha, fought for her. All rageful emotions dissipated with every tear that dropped. In her fate and of the customs, she tries to find meaning. She sees none. They have rendered her stoic even to the audible chat of her sisters just outside the door.

“How is she?” Aliyah asked the younger Aisha.

“Ate Minah is dressed and resting inside. I locked the door, keys safe in my pocket. The climate is perfect, and I saw so many relatives when I passed by the venue. The music they play is so fitting! Perfect.”

“Do we have a choice?”

“Relatives?”

“Funny, Aish. You’re still bitter about some uncles rejecting your suitor’s marriage proposal. I was referring to the song. Every wedding nowadays plays Kenny G. His are not even songs.”

“Just to clarify, I now hate that suitor too. I realized he did not put much effort into pursuing our family. Our uncles did not accept marriage proposals because I’m the youngest. You and Ate Minah should be sent off first. Is it my fault if I’m the prettiest and in trend? Also, Ate Leah, these saxophone masterpieces are songs. Anyway, thanks to me, it’s the first wedding that plays the new Kenny G song.’

Aisha, always with an ear for the latest fad, tried to infuse the traditional wedding atmosphere with a touch of modernity. Her subtle involvement was her way of pushing against the boundaries set by norms that bored her.

“Many I attended played just ‘Silhouette.’” Aisha continues, “ ‘Breathless’ is such a better match. Everyone’s nervous during weddings.”

At this point, Aliyah bounced in, “They have titles and meanings?! Enough of the music talk. When will the groom’s party arrive?”

“I am not so sure, Ate Leah. Will they fetch her here before or after solemnization?”

“After. You must keep yourself updated with our own culture as you are with the latest showbiz and music. This is how it usually pans out. First, guests wait at the venue. The groom attempts to follow if no male relatives of the bride ask for lantong along the way. If their party satisfies our male cousins and uncles, he may proceed, and the Imam will be there to solemnize by reading the necessary khutba.”

“Then they proceed here?”

“Yes. If he satisfied our demand for luka sa gibbon. If he does, we open her door for him. He then returns to the venue with Ate Minah.”

“How much would you think we’ll receive?”

“Well, male relatives came up with 30,000 for lantong set up at the intersection. We hope to match that.”

“Let me count… 500,000 for dowry given last night, 30,000 for lantong at the road. The most they’ll give us for luka sa gibbon here at her room is 20,000. A fitting total from the groom’s family: 550,000. Just right for our family stature.”

“Here they come.”

“Update. Auntie got to them first at the main door and claimed our luka sa gibbon for us ladies. We will just have to open Minah’s door.”

“Haha, they gave in at the first door. I knew the groom did not want his relatives to wait long at the venue. Let’s all go in and get her.”

“Okay, go! But let’s go in first.”

“Oh my, her eyes are so swollen.”

“What do you expect? It’s her first time to meet her groom. Stupid custom.”

“They say it’s Islam.”

“Not!”

“Well, it’s fate. Isn’t acceptance of Qadr a key to piety?”

“Maybe, but the consent. Far from Islamic rules on consent that I know.”

“Luka sa gibbon isn’t part of our faith, but you’re okay with it?”

“Stop it. Let’s just offer dua and prayers for Minah.”

“May our sister be happy. Ameen.”

“It’s probably her fault too. Why would she reject so many proposals in the last five years when she was almost 30?”

“We have expiry dates?”

“She is even lucky that the handsome groom our uncles picked is from a great lineage and related to the Governor. One uncle even said that her name, Aminah, was fated to be entrusted with our clan through her children. Her children will be okay.”

“May Allah bless our Ate Minah.”

“Ameen, Ate Leah. Let the groom in.”

Jamilah’s Wedding, 2003, Iligan.

“Were it not for Aminah, there would not be any wedding! This event stomps on my pride,” Amir shouted at his son Jamil, who was on guard along the road. “Why were they so in a hurry for all of these?”

Somehow, Amir felt that he was a victim to Aminah’s newfound power in the family. It’s as if Aminah came back in rebellion against her family, and he had to bear the brunt of it. He looks back to his possible role in her wedding. If there was any at all, it was minuscule, he thinks to himself. Aminah should not have crossed him.

“Calm down, Abi. Auntie Minah feared that if Ismael and Jamilah were not wed sooner, there was a higher probability that another suitor from closer relatives might win over your favor. She knows how Jamilah would be devastated if she’s wed to anyone else. M&Ms was fated to happen, they said.”

“M&Ms?”

“Nicknames of the groom and bride. Mael and Mila,” Jamil addressed his father’s confusion.

“How about my Maratabat as a father? Who gave Jamilah that Nokia anyway, Jam? The boy got to her with those texts. I guarded your sister well.”

“Ate Mila needed the phone. It was easier to pick her up at school. We were not giving her load, but the guy gave her load cards even after graduation. He kept calling too.”

No matter how large or little the issues raised by his dad, Jamil tries to patiently respond as a good son trying to comfort a distressed elder. He thinks to himself, how could Jamilah do this to their father? Jamil understood his father’s pain, the sting of perceived dishonor.

“Aminah with these wedding decisions and plans. What has happened to our society? We have Aminah and Jamilah deciding now. I lose face at male relatives noticing that she’s calling the shots. She sure has learned how to leverage her husband’s influence over me. Have you seen her husband?”

“He’s doing well at the venue, welcoming everyone. Guests will be looking for him, the Governor’s first cousin. I’m sorry if things are not going exactly as you want it, Abi. Aunt Aminah told me clan matters are balanced with negotiations and concessions.”

In the years that passed, Aminah, not being able to have her own children, helped take care of Jamilah. She saw Jamilah as her own daughter. “My Milah,” as she calls her, was vibrant and full of life. She also saw a reflection of her own once-dormant hopes.

Aminah was not able to plan her own destiny, but in the weaving of Jamilah’s story, she had altered the pattern of their family’s tapestry. It was a bittersweet victory, the knowledge that her sacrifice had borne fruit in the happiness of another. The negotiations had been delicate, a balancing act of respect and subtle defiance. She thought she was able to put into good use the influence of her husband’s family. Aminah had worked the threads of tradition with a gentle hand, advocating for Jamilah’s right to choose, to love, over her father’s high standards and pride.

“When is the groom’s convoy arriving?” Amir impatiently snaps. “At least I get some recompense after this insult.”

“You should be at the venue, father. The Governor and the Congressman may arrive anytime.”

“They will attend? Alhamdulillah. I can rush down to the venue after this. It’s barely 50 meters away via the footpath. Cars will have to go around the curve. I came up here to check on you, my son. Why would you lead the lantong stakeout?”

“To fortify our stand, father. The groom’s dad relayed they won’t hand in anything more than 20,000.”

“What?! Wait until we show them my baby ArmaLite.”

“Abi, we can’t brandish that here.”

“Because we’re in Iligan! Another stupid decision from Aminah. For all we know, they may not even give any and then be allowed to pass. Custom is dying. It is not about the money. We lose the prestige; we lose proving our worth.

“Here we go again. Abi, she just didn’t want another arranged marriage. She said she cried a bucket during her own wedding. She cried more when both ustad and lawyer friends advised her against backing out.”

“Indeed, at that time then Minah thought her being enrolled in law school could save her, huh? No number of friends can stop fate. How about you, when will the school year start?”

“In a week.”

“Let’s take something from this waiting along the road with my giving some words of wisdom. My dear son, we have cultural weight.”

“By weight, you mean value?” Jamil quickly chances on the favorable change in topic.

“Blood is influence. Your looks count. People’s impression of your religiosity counts. Continue the kind gestures and magnanimity we teach you because those are important. Choose an amiable wife. Your affluence is estimated by our properties and, more importantly, your job or on finishing law school after high school and college. These and many other factors will be the basis for how our clans will weigh you, my dear golden boy.”

“My weight. Lineage, looks, faith, manners, spouse, and whether I become a lawyer?”

“There are no clear-cut rules and basis. Some say there is Hadith on those, and I see practicality in them. For me, patience with relatives and being giving helped me a lot in life. Allah blessed me through my support to them. Relatives give back kindness. Just keep those in mind as you mature. A lot of those you’ll pass to your wife and the children she will bear for you.”

“Yes, I was born for you…”

“Why are you suddenly singing?!”

“And the choice was never ours…”

“Stop this haram song!”

This time, his father’s intensely shrieking voice was harder to appease. His father’s issue now has gone to the level of his act of singing. As he stopped himself, a realization dawned on him. The traditions that held his father captive were the very chains he also probably could break. The thought of his own future, potentially shackled by the same expectations, started a seed of self-determination in his heart.

“Sorry, I can hear the wedding song from here. This David Pomeranz song reminds us of our culture’s concept on Kuris, makes it easier for arranged spouses to process their situation. Plus, I remember you singing ‘King and Queen of Hearts’ with a guitar years back. I heard that song too played earlier.”

“That was long ago, son. New ulama relatives have guided me to abhor songs that destroy our youth. Maybe going back to instruments and flute songs during Aminah’s wedding can make this wedding less cursed.”

“The lyrics worry you?”

“For most songs, the lyrics are immoral.”

Jamil’s Wedding, 2013, Cagayan de Oro.

“These Maher Zain songs and lyrics are perfect! Baraka Allahu lakuma wa Baraka ‘alaykuma wa Jama’a baynakuma fi…”

“Goodness, stop!” Aliyah interrupted Aisha’s humming.

Aisha’s face quickly turned reddish. Her mood changed from being inspired to being annoyed by the sudden scolding. She was motivated because of her earlier interaction with the venue manager on songs to play. She was drawn to him and found a kindred spirit in him who knew a lot about music too. This wedding seemed to serve as a turning point for Aisha. Her interaction with him was liberating, a realization that while her family’s traditions formed the backdrop of her life, they did not need to dictate her many decisions in life. She is still single after all these years.

Aisha retorts, “Why stop the Islamic song? Are you a haram police now like Kuya Amir?”

“No Nasheed will match this wedding! No Islamic lyrics will fit. Why are we marrying kids who eloped?! People assume zina!” Aliyah fired back.

“Because we’re tired of rido, Ate. We are lucky the girl’s family didn’t tie Jamil to a tree and slaughter him. Those acts can very well fall into acceptable vendetta for running away with a girl. It helped that Ate Aminah’s husband is related to the bride’s family.”

“What do we have to thank Aminah for? She started this! She spoiled Amir’s daughter, Jamilah. Now the son has gone berserk.”

“Jamil will manage. He said he will still pursue his studies in law as his father wished. Minah may have started it for our family, but many clans have the same issues. Times have changed indeed. We can’t control kids nowadays. We just hope Kuya Amir will soon reconcile with his son.”

Jamil, sitting on stage, is on the brink of his own wedding. However, it is one that bore no resemblance to the ones his father could have envisioned for him. Jamil felt the weight of his decision. He had chosen love over tradition, his heart over his family’s honor. The knowledge of his father’s hurt pressed heavily. Jamil wrestled with his guilt and his conviction.

Jamil consoles himself that he has made the right choice. This was not just a union of two hearts; it was a statement of change, a declaration that tradition can give way to the right to choose love at times. He will be assured of himself more every time he will gaze at his lovely bride who is about to sit next to him in a few minutes.

“Who is this girl anyway? I don’t know many of her relatives.” Aliyah, asks Aisha, wanting to investigate the new member of the family. “The narration of lineage has gone from an hour of enumeration in past weddings to just a few lines of speech now. I heard from someone they had Chinese blood.”

“We look more Chinese with her morena skin,” Aisha giggly replies. “Did you know she sent him very private photos of her online? She is so into texts, chats, and meet-ups. Young girls now are exposing themselves too much. Technology is not so much a boon as it is a bane. Fits her stature that her dowry includes everything. Wedding costs, luka sa gibbon, and lantong. I see it as one simple package for her worth. That is a lot less worry for us on being held up along the road and not being able to enter her room when Jamil fetches her after solemnization.”

“There will be no fetching at all. She will be here at the venue a few moments after  Jamil, her father, and the solemnizing officer have exchanged words. How convenient.”

“Convenient for us from the groom’s side.”

“But many from our side can’t attend. They are complaining about Cagayan. It seems we get farther away from our hometown in every wedding.”

“Most protests to this wedding are from those based in Marawi. The farther we are, the lesser the issues. We have enough relatives who made it. I know we must have the right mix of clan families as witnesses. I don’t know if it’s really God who blesses the matrimony or the clan presence.”

“Do you know who convinced the bride’s relative that we need not hand to them separate amounts for lantong and luka sa gibbon?”

“Aminah?”

“Nope. The religious cousins of both the bride and groom. One simple Mahr is what they requested. The simplicity of our religion worked to our advantage.”

“All these changes, I hope our practices change for the better.”

“As great as Maher Zain lyrics, Aish?”

“Yes, Ate Leah. Now can I go back to listening to him? I told the cute manager of this venue, who added me on Facebook, to make sure to play ‘For the Rest of My Life’ before the night expires.”

Anna Rahma Usman Sarip

I arose from my sleep feeling the morning heat of the sun on my face. With all the things that kept me up last night, maybe I forgot to close my window. I do not feel like going out of my bed, unsure of what will happen to me now. It finally came, the day I was dreading to come. What my parents had said to me last month made me feel like they dropped a bomb on me. I never thought that they would come to this decision. A decision they did not even bother to ask me or hear my two cents about it. This was to be expected, but I never knew it could be this early. I understand that this thing happens way, way back, and is a part of our tradition. What makes me sad is that I do not want this to happen this early. I still want to do a lot of things and achieve more, I want to travel and accomplish things that I want before I enter that world.

I was waking up from my thoughts when I heard a knock on my door. “Rima, it’s time to wake up. You must get ready too.” My momma said.

“I’m awake,” I replied. “It’s not long before they arrive, I want you ready before that.” “Okay, Ma.” I said, staring into the pair of earrings sitting on my study table.

Today will be my wedding day. A month ago, when my parents told me how they wanted me to marry this guy. They told and promised me how this guy was perfect for me and how good he was as a person and said that we’d get along well. I was yet unmoving from where I was standing, not believing what they said. It won’t register in my mind. It was when my momma went near me and held my face that I knew I was crying. I guess my momma resonates with me, “Do not cry, Rima. We’re doing this for your own good.” “B-but this is not what I want…” It was then my father who told me that his decision would not change. I knew what to do than to break whatever my father wanted as he and his words ruled the house.

The following week after my parents talked to me, they then arranged a meeting for me and the man I was supposed to be wedded to. My momma told me that it’s a way for us to get acquainted with each other. I didn’t have the heart to say no. I did what they wanted me to do.

I went to meet the man at a mall, where we were supposed to spend the rest of the day. I was told by my father that he already had my digits and that he’d message me. It was then when I was inside the vehicle on my way that I received a message that said, “It’s me, Jawad. I’m here waiting for you. Message me when you arrive.” I was mesmerized by the way he texts. “Okay, I’ll be there in a few,” I replied. Minutes after I arrived I texted him. He told me that he was waiting near the entrance. I was thinking why he didn’t wait for me inside, it made me a lot more anxious. It was not hard to recognize him as I already saw what he looked like when my momma showed me his picture before. He was there standing looking seriously intimidating, yet when he noticed me, his whole facade changed. He smiled at me; I was so close to turning my back because of how nervous I was. He walked towards me smiling so big, making me wonder if I looked funny in his eyes or what.

“Hi, Jawad.” He said, extending his hand, wanting to shake hands. “Rima.”. The deafening silence was so loud after that. I was startled when he asked me “Where do you want to go?” “You? Where should we go first?” I replied.

“Should we eat first before doing anything? I’m sure you must be hungry.” Jawad said.

“Sure.” I then replied.

After we sat down, he then proceeded to ask me basic questions, and I realized that this was his way of knowing me better. “I’m guessing you’re a college student now, right?” he asked. “Yeah, in my last year actually,” I replied. “Wow, then you must be very busy huh?” “Yes, I’ve been working on my final paper. After that, I’m done.” “Do you need help though? Maybe I could offer you some help?” he said. “Thank you, but I can carry. I’m close to finishing it. I don’t think that you know something about my paper knowing how different it is from what you finished.” “Even though, maybe I could do something to make it somehow easier for you.” He said laughing. I smiled and said, “I’ll let you know if there is.” The food arrived and we ate, he would say something from time to time and I did my best to reply and engage in the conversation with him. “What should we do after this?” I asked Jawad after we were done eating. “Do you want to watch a movie?” he replied. “That’s okay let’s go. Maybe an interesting movie is available.” I spoke.

The timing was great, the ticket for the new Avatar movie was available and we agreed to watch that. During the time we spent watching that movie, I had known him better. The way he laughed, what made him laugh, the things he liked and disliked, and the things he told me made me appreciate him. Made me think that he really wanted this to work out so maybe I’ll do the same also. Let’s leave the regrets to the future.

Before parting ways, he made me wait at the food court excusing himself. I waited, spending my time scrolling on my social media account to entertain myself. It wasn’t long before he arrived. With him is a paper bag from a famous jewelry store. “I hope you will accept what I bought for you,” Jawad said. “What is it?” I asked. “Earrings” he simply said. “Why would you give me earrings though?” I questioned. “No reason. I just felt like it.” He replied. “Aww, that’s so nice of you. Thank you for this. I appreciate it.” I smiled at him. “It’s no biggie.” he smiled back, handing me the paper bag. “If only I knew, I could have bought you something too.” I said to him which he replied by smiling and saying, “Maybe in the future, I’ll gladly accept it.”

We were walking out of the mall when he offered to take me home. I agreed. We were silent the whole duration of the ride. It was when we arrived at our house that he said something to me. “I am hoping you will want to continue this as much as I want it too.” What he said made me picture something very abrupt, an image of us and the family we’ll have. “Let’s see. I’ll see you soon.” I replied, smiling at him. He was a successful man; I do not understand how he wants to marry me who has yet to achieve something in life.

Everything was ready, with the help of both our parents. I decided to just hold a simple ceremony with only a few people invited to witness it. The place, decorated with a mixture of yellow and red, was the only thing that I involved myself with during the preparation for the wedding. Because for me, it somehow reminded me of the Sarimanok. How different our fate in life is, unlike the bird; I do not have the freedom to really decide for myself. Not that I did not want this to happen, but I am happy that I’m here, getting ready to marry the man whom I wish to spend the rest of my life with.

The people who would help me get ready arrived; everyone was so busy walking from here to there. The whole house was in an uproar. My cousins were flocking to the room where I was getting ready saying something my mind could not comprehend at that time. I was in turmoil, busy with my own emotions. I had made my decision days before. I wanted to give him a chance, maybe what my parents said was true. This is what’s best for me.

Wearing a dress with an intricate design that my momma helped me pick, with my veil in a turban style, I requested my veil to be styled that way because I wanted to wear the earrings Jawad gave me. I wanted him to see me wearing it as a sign that I also wanted this. That I am accepting him as he accepted me long before as his wife-to-be.

I was sitting on my bed, with my girl cousins with me waiting for Jawad to knock on the door. I couldn’t exactly describe how I felt; sure, I was happy, but at the same time I felt anxious, but the feeling of excitement was through the roof. Everyone was talking when suddenly, we heard a knock. Him, entering with his entourage wearing a simple yet formal-looking white coat and his white dress shirt and slacks, oh if only you could see what I am seeing. I guess it’s time. We did the rites successfully, and now we’re walking through the middle aisle. “You’re wearing the earrings,” Jawad whispered.  “Yeah,” I said. “Are you happy?” I asked him. “Yeah, over the moon.” He replied. “I’m glad, I’m happy too,” I said looking at him, smiling so wide.

Looking back to a month ago, I was so unsure of how things would unfold. Thankfully, things unfolded well. I’m here with him, spending our days happily with each other. We promised that we’ll make everything work, that we’ll talk things out. We won’t sleep with a misunderstanding left unresolved. I am happy with how my relationship with him is progressing and I hope he feels the same. I cannot wait to see how things will unfold in the future too. I guess we will leave those things to the Almighty above.