Category: Fiction

Sharmida M. Mawan

Aku hi Alidjan. Adlaw ini myabut in ummul ku kawhaan’. Alhamdulillah myabut aku ha adlaw ini, bang ku pagtumtumun in mga adlaw piyaglabayan namuh maglanyap tuud in jantung ku, pasal in mga liyabayan amura kuman in panumtuman ta sin waktu awal jaman.

Byaun yari aku limilingkud ha duhul sin jambatan kahuy. Imaatud ha suga limilid daing ha duhul sin dagat. Ha hulah ini aku limaggu, ha hulah ini kami piyag-anak katan magtaymanghud. Ha Maimbung, bang hain nagtagnah in katan.

Lima kami mag-ahli’. Hi Amah ku in ngan hi Jul-asiri, in kyabulatan ku kanya in siya magiistah. Hi Inah ku isab in ngan nya hi Satra, in hinang nya isab magtabid lubid ha bay. Awn aku duwa manghud, hi Alimar iban hi Almansar. Usug kami katan magtaymanghud.

Limagguh kami ha sigpit. Hayyy. Bang ku hikapagkissah in katan sin lyabayan namuh mag-ahli’ bang kita timagna sin Muharram matalus kita sin Dhul-Hijja. Sah awn hambuuk kissa namuh mag-ahli’ mayah ku tuud hi lilay kanyu. Amun kissa hi amah iban bangka-bangka nya.

In bay namuh sin waktu yadtu ha lawm dagat sah masuuk da sab pa higad, hinang ha kahuy iban patung, timitindug ha lawm dagat, awn manahut kusina, in lawm bay amuna in pagtutugan namuh, iban pantan amuna in paghahalihan iban pagtatahayan hi Inah istah.

Hambuuk mahapun kita ku hi Inah namamanduga ha pantan namuh imaatud pa malayuh. In pangilahan ku bang byaini na in pangatud hi inah, awn na sab problema namuh. Ha waktu ini maraiyh Unum tahun pa aku. Pagka bihadtu hi Inah, pyakusina aku. Pagkitah ku hangkapansing dakuman in bugas ha baldi-baldi iban wayruun na mussak massik ha kusina. Hangkanda sab hatiku hi Inah nasusa. Gimuwa na aku.

Mga lisag upat na sin mahapun. Pagguwa ku, yaun na hatih hi Amah ha pantan, nagbibissara kan Inah. Nanaynghug aku sin piyagbibissarahan nila.

“Dang, wayruun da kiyabayaran in istah diya ku kahapun, wayruun pa kunuh masi nakauwih in tagdapu sin buriga” lawng hi Amah.

“Sah ayaw na ba kaw masusa, pa-lawd na aku bat da aku makasuruy, hatih makapanabuh kita” lawng pa hi Amah.

Simambung sab hi Inah, “Ayaw na ba Dang, atud ba kaw sin dagat yan byah mahangin hangin, pagkwan maalun ha lawd”

“Alla Dang, ayaw na ba kaw magsusa, dih man aku magpalawm dum. Madtu na aku ha? Ayaw mu man patuga in mga anak ta dih makaun. Tagari nyu aku” Ampa nanaug hi Amah, nagtuud sin bangka-bangka nya manahut pa dagat, masi masi ra siya iyaatud hi Inah.

Myabut mayan in Maghrib, way naman masi nakauwih hi Amah. Pag-ubus simambahayang hi Inah, limingkud na siya ha pagtatabiran nya lubid. In pagtabid hi Inah lubid magtipun siya karut ampa husayun, pagubus tabirun hinangun lubid, bang humaba na hidagang nya na pa tabuh. Amu sab ini in usaha hi Inah.

“Byah lyugayan hi Amah nyu yan. Kari kaw kunuh Alidjan, hugasi na in mga manghud mu bat yari pa aku naghihinang” Tiyawag aku hi Inah sahbu aku nagbubuhi tanju bat da awn ilaw ha pantan namuh.

Timindug na aku ampa ku kiyawah in mga maghud ku, hiyugasan ku na karuwa ampa giyantian tamungun. Simung man in jam, myabut na in waktu Isha. Timindug na hi Inah ha hinang nya ampa siya nagsambahayang.

Way hijjul hi inah daing sin dyuman na hi Amah ha lawd. Kaingatan ku nasusa hi Inah bat bang hi Amah magiyan dih siya maglugay, dih tuud siya magpalugay.

Pagubus naman hi Inah nagsambahayang, pya-kusina na siya nagbuhih kayu. Ampa niya mistang in hangkapansing bugas nakakapin ha baldi-baldi. Masi ra way hijjul hi Inah. In aku isab iipat ku in mga manghud ku.

Mga lisag walu na sin dum, byutangan na kami hi Inah. Tu’ lay mistang iyaasinan. Kiyawah hi Inah in kamanghuran namuh ampa syungitan. Aku isab in nagpakaun ha manghud ku hambuuk, kimaun da sab aku sibuh. Masih ra way naka-uwi hi Amah.

Pag-ubus namuh kimaun. hiyanigan na hi Inah sin baluy in lawm bay. Masih ra way nakakauwih hi Amah daing ha lawd. Piyatug na hi Inah in duwa manghud ku. Bisan aku patugun na hi Inah sah lawng ku ibanan ku naa siya magtagad kan Amah.

Lingkuran balik hi Inah in lubid nya, ampa siya nagtabid sah way limugay mga tunga’ jam. Timindug siya ampa dya in tanju’ pa pantan ampa limingkud ha duhul sin pantan, biyababa in siki.

“Hawnu na baha hi Amah mu ini Alidjan. Lisag hangpu’ na sin dum way naman masi naka-uwi” Lawng hi Inah sin limingkud aku ha daig niya. In dagat imalun-alun na daing sin kaina. In hangin magdagpak pa bay namuh byah sin paglubakun in bay.

Wayruun aku nakasambung kan Inah bat biyah in liug ku nalapat sin buhangin tibuuk.

Hangkaraiyh pa awn na timuh ha babaw uh ku. Nagbubunuk na, pagubus kimusug na in ulan. Simud na kami kan Inah bat landuh tuud in kusug sin ulan, sah hi Inah limingkud da ha lawang namuh harap pa pantan. Iyatud ku hi Inah. In luha niya nagtagna na timuh.

Way aku mahinang bang bukun umatud kan Inah. Makusug in ulan, mabasag in alun. Hi Amah masih ha lawd isa-isa. Subay yadtu ibanan ku hi Amah, lawng sin utuk ku nagbibissara isa isa.

Pagatud ku sin lilus namuh ha uhan, lisag hambuuk na sin tungah dum. Hi inah masih naglilingkud ha lawang pantan, in ulan masi makusug. In tanjuh namuh napung na bat naubus na in gas.

Sah bisan haluk na in mga manghud ku, wayruun panayu sin kasusahan namuh kan Inah, masih aku dih makatug sin susa kan Amah iban ulung kan Inah.

“Ya Allah, lappasi tuud in bana ku ha unu-unu aramala. Ya Rabbi, tabanga tuud aku” Dyungug ku hi Inah nagduduwaa. Amu-amura yan in iyaamutan nya daing kaina.

Mga lisag duwa-tungah. Kimuh na in ulan, bunuk bunuk dakuman. Pag-atud ku kan Inah, nakatug naglilingkud sin hapus ha pagtangisan hatiku. In aku isab naglilingkud da ha raig sin mga manghud ku natutug.

Pag-atud ku kan Inah, nakajungkat sin awn nagtawag kanya.

“Dang! Dang! Ukabi ba aku. Batih pa ka kamu?” HI AMAH NAKAUWIH NA!!

Nakatuhlid in tindug hi Inah ampa us-us pyu-as in lawang namuh. Gyulgul niya hi Amah, in luhah nya masi timutuh.

“Alhamdulillah, nakauwih kaw!” Lawng hi Inah. Pagatud ku kan amah, basah-basaan in tamungun, na lihdup in baran nya sin tubig.

“Ayaw na ba kaw magsusa Dang, nakauwih na aku” Pagatud ku kan Inah, nakanapas na sya maraw.

Nanghaplas na hi Amah, hi Inah nagpasuh tubig bat da makainum hi Amah kahawa.

In aku kimulang na bat da sila karihilan waktu karuwa, sah masi aku wayruun natug. Nangdurungug dungug aku sin suwara nila karuwa.

“Maytah kaw Dang apit na adlawan? Nasusa tuud aku kaymu.” Lawng hi Inah sin limingkud na siya, diyara in kahawa hi Amah.

“Amuna sadtu Dang, awn aku pyagbak tau ha lawd” tagna hi Amah ha bissara niya. “Sin imalun-alun na, wayruun aku masi nakasasaggaw istah, lawng ku muwih na aku. Sakali awn aku kitah batah-batah babai ha lawd, simasagnat ha patung patung. Siyuuk ku magtuy bisan maalun. Pag-atud ku masi buhih in batah-batah babai, tiyabang ku magtuy ampa piya-inum tubig maraw. Sakali in siya kunuh hiyulug ha bangka iyaagaran niya, magpahatud tuud kakuh pa puh ngyanan nya. In puh ngyanan nya yattu dih ku tuud kaingatan, sah lawng niya kaingatan niya ra byariin makaabut madtu. Bisan ma-alun Dang, imulung aku ha babai yadtu. Sah in makainu inu, byah dugaing dugaing in pais nya yadtu Dang.” Himigup hi Amah sin kahawa niya lubug, hi Inah masih dimurungug sin isturi hi Amah.

“Magkahagad kaw Dang, in pais sin babai, yadtu byah mussah kaagi. Putih ampa byah mag-inggat. In buhuk nya makainu-inu ra sab. Itum tuud. Sah sobra in haba. In kyainu-inuhan ku tuud kanya yadtu Dang. Pagsakat niya naman pa bangka, maytah biya timahay siya magtuy. In badju niya biya putih kakanah.” Sugpat hi Amah ha suwara niya.

“Sah bisan biyah kandi-kandi in babai yadtu, masih ku kyuwayan in bangka ha lawd. Siya in magbabaytah sin datungan namuh. Mga tunga’ jam na hatiku aku nagkuway sin bangka, awn na puh kitah ku. In puh yadtu Dang, manahut da. Sah bang ku aturun, mataud tau nagtitindug ha daig dagat. Landuh in sawa sin puh yadtu. Sibuh katan in panamung nila putih, hangkapaisan sila iban sin batah-batah babai hiyatud ku yadtu. Dimatung mayan kami pa higad dagat, piyanaug aku sin babai malaas, siya kunuh in Inah sin babai hiyatud ku. Byaytaan na siya sin anak nya sin hyulug siya sin mga iban nya ha bangka kaina, iban sin bahasa aku in nakaput iban timabang kanya. Simuuk kakuh Dang in Inah sin babai yadtu ampa syapu in daghal ku pagubus dih ku tuud kalupahan in iyan kakuh, lawng nya, “Katan sin sigpit mu puasun sin Tuhan, in lanuh sin atay mu byah sin lanuh sin barakat dumatung kaymu. Uwih na kaw pa anak asawa mu, ayaw kaw maglingih, Dumatung da kaw pa daratungan mu” Hi Inah masi dimurungug kan Amah.

“Nanaykud na aku Dang, ampa ku tyuud in bangka-bangka pa dagat. Hinang ku in iyagi kakuh sin babai yadtu, way aku limingih. Sah kiyananaman ku tuud, nalawah sila paggiik ku naman pa dagat, nalawah da sab katan sin ilaw ha puh, sah way tuud aku naglingih. Nalawah na in alun, iban himundung na in ulan. Pagsayu ku dimatung na aku mari pa bay, wayruun ku kiyaalimatahan” Pagtalus hi Amah ha kissa niya bang unu in jimatu kanya ha lawd.

Wayruun ku na kiyasayuhan bang unu naman in piyagbissarahan nila karuwa, bat nakatug na aku. In atay ku makuyag na.

Pag maynaat, kiyublaan aku byah awn hiluhala ha sawm bay. Pagtaynghug ku hi Amah nagtatawag kan Inah.

“Dang! Dang! Kasay ba kaw, kitaa ba bang unu in ha lawm sin bangka-bangka ku ini!” Ulak hi Amah kan Inah. Kitah ku hi Inah nagus-us myabah pa hagdan, hi amah ha lawm dagat na tubtub pa tuhud niya nagaatud ha bangka-bangka niya. In aku isab simisib ha utlang-utlang sin lantay namuh.

“Allahu Akbar! Dang, mussah sayan!” Sambag hi Inah. Pagatud ku pa bangka-bangka hi Amah, mattan twi sin nabud mussah. Nahipuh in bangka-bangka hi Amah sin mussah dugaing dugaing in warnah iban dugaing dugaing in lagguh. Wayruun panayuh ku amuna twi yadtu in maynaat gumantih sin kabuhih namuh mag-ahli. Barakat sin Allah labay daing ha atay putih.

In mga mussah yadtu in nagpabahgu ha dagan sin kabuhi namuh. Nakaiskul na aku ha Tiyanggi. Sampil mga manghud ku. Sampay na nakabi kami bay batu’ ha Tiyanggi. Hi Inah nakatabang na ha mga panaiban nya magtatabid lubid. Awn na sila tampat paghihinangan sapantun factory lawng sin Bahasa Anggalis. In bay namuh ha Maimbung napahugut na. Dih na kami pagkatahayan bugas iban mussak massik ha kusina, makakaun n in mga manghud ku maraw makatu’ hangka-adlaw. Iban in landuh mahalga ha katan, dih na mapugus hi Amah pa lawd mangistah bisan ma-alun iban mahangin. Awn na usaha hi Amah ha lupa bukun na hat ha dagat, masi usaha halal. Nakapahinang na hi Amah malalagguh bangka hipagpausal nya ha mga daig bay namuh tagna pagusahahan. In bangka-bangka hi Amah bukun na hat manahut, malagguh na. sah masi ra in bangka-bangka nya pyapakay sampil pabihaun.

Na! Amu yadtu in kissah kissah ku kanyu ha byaun sahbu aku kimakaun patulakan ha jambatan kahuy masuuk pa bay namuh dii ha Maimbung. Ikaw? Unu in kissa mu?

 

My Father’s Small Boat

 

I am Alidjan. Today, I turned 20. Alhamdulillah, I reached this day. Whenever I remember the days that we passed through, I feel like my heart wrenches, because experiences are the only remembrance of the older times.

Now I am sitting on the edge of a wooden port. Looking at the sun setting on the horizon. This is the place where I grew up, the place where all of me and my siblings were born and raised. In Maimbung, where everything started.

We are five in the family. My father, Jul-asiri, whom I have known since birth, is a fisherman. My mother, Satra, whose work is to make ropes out of old sacks which she does at home. And my two brothers, Alimar and Almansar.

We grew up in a tight situation. Hayyyy. If only I could tell you every story of what we went through as a family and started in January, we would probably finish in December. But there’s one story about my family I want to tell you. The story of my father and what happened to him and his small boat.

Our home at that time was built on the sea but near the docks. It was made of wood and bamboo, had a small kitchen, a living space that was where we also slept as a family, and a roofless space outside where my mom rested and hung dry fish.

One afternoon, I saw my mother sitting idly in the roofless space, looking afar. My observation is that every time my mother does this, it only means we have a problem. Around this time maybe I was six years old. Seeing my mother like that, I went to the kitchen. I saw that we only had one cup of rice left in the container and had no other groceries available. Right then, I realized what the problem was. I then went outside the kitchen.

It was maybe four in the afternoon. When I went outside, my father was already there with my mother, they were talking to each other. I eavesdropped on their conversation.

“Dang (their endearment), the fish I brought to the market yesterday is still not paid because the owner’s worker said he is still not back,” my father said.

“But don’t worry, I will go and fish so I can sell. After that we can go to the market,” my father added.

My mother answered, “Don’t go Dang, look at the sea, it’s windy. Maybe the waves are strong.”

“Dang, don’t worry about me, I won’t be long and late. I will go now, ok? Just don’t let our kids sleep without eating. Wait for me.” My father then went down, and pushed his small boat to the sea, while my mother was still looking at him going far.

When the time reached Maghrib, my father still did not come back. After my mother prayed, she sat where she twisted ropes. My mother gathered some old sacks and disassembled them and made a rope out of them, when it was long enough to sell, she brought it to the market. This is the job of my mother.

“You’re father seems to be taking too long. Alidjan, come here. Help me wash your brothers. I still need to finish this,” My mother called me while I was in the roofless space lighting up the torch.

I went and took my brothers and washed them both and changed their clothes. When hours passed, Eisha time came. My mother went and prayed her Eisha.

My mother has been silent ever since the night came and my father has still not come back. I know my mother is worried because if my father says he will not be late, he will not come home late no matter what.

Right after my mother finished her prayers, she went to the kitchen and lit up the fire. She cooked the remaining one cup of rice and made porridge, one that had no other ingredients but water. My mother was still silent while I was playing with my two little brothers.

8:00 at night came, my mother prepared the food. Three plates of porridge which she seasoned with salt. My mother took our youngest brother and fed him. I, on the other hand, fed my other brother while feeding myself. My father was still not home.

After we ate, my mother laid the sleeping mat where we slept. My father was still not home from the sea. My mother took my brothers to sleep. I was even told to sleep but I said I would be with her to wait for my father.

My mother then went back to twisting rope, however, not long enough she stood and brought the torch outside and went to the roofless space. She sat on the edge of the space, her feet hanging.

“I am wondering where your father might be, Alidjan. It is 10:00 already, he hasn’t still come back,” my mother said when I sat beside her. The sea waves were getting stronger than earlier. The wind was hitting the house like it was scolding it.

I was not able to answer my mother because it felt like my throat was blocked by lumps of sand.

Not long after, I felt something dripping on my head. The rain started to pour hard.  I looked at my mother. Tears started to fall from her eyes.

I couldn’t do anything but look at my mother. It was raining cats and dogs, and the waves below were strong. My father is still at sea alone. I should’ve gone with my father, my brain said, talking to itself.

When I looked at our clock, it was already 1 am. My mother was still sitting by the door, the rain was still pouring hard. The torch died because it already run out of gas.

But even when my brothers were sleeping soundly unaware of my mother’s and my worries, I still couldn’t sleep worrying about my father, and pitying my mother.

“Ya Allah, please save my husband from any harm. Ya Rabbi, help me please,” I heard my mother praying. She kept on repeating the same words.

2:30 am came. The rain started to drift slowly. When I checked my mother, she fell asleep sitting tired from crying, I guess. I sat beside my sleeping brothers.

When I looked at my mother, she was startled when someone called her.

“Dang! Dang! Can you open the door? Are you still awake?,” MY FATHER IS FINALLY HOME!

My mother immediately stood straight and went to unlock the door. She hugged my father, tears still falling from her eyes.

“Alhamdulillah, you’re home!” My mother said. When I glanced at my father, his clothes were dripping wet, and himself as well.

“Stop worrying Dang, I am already home.” My father said to my mother lovingly, my mother finally was able to breathe fine.

My father washed up while my mother went to heat up water so that my father could drink black coffee.

I laid beside my brothers to give them time to talk to each other, but I still did not sleep. I listened to their conversation while laying down with my brothers.

“Dang, what tool you so long it’s almost morning? I was so worried,” my mother said as she sat beside my father and handed my father his coffee.

“That’s is so, Dang. I met someone at the sea,” my father started his story. “When the waves started to get stronger and I was still not able to catch any fish, I decided to come home already. But I saw a small girl floating in the sea. She is hooked up to a bamboo. I went near her to check and she is still alive. I helped her immediately and made her drink clean water. She started telling me what happened. According to her, she was pushed from the boat she was in. She wants me to take her to her island. I do not know the island she came from, but she said she knows how to get there. Even though the waves were strong Dang, I felt pitiful of the little girl. But something was not right with her, her skin was different.” My father sipped his black coffee, my mother still listened to his story carefully.

“You will not believe it Dang, her skin was like a pearl. White and reflects the light like a pearl. Her hair was different as well. Pitch black but very long. And the thing I noticed that was highly unusual was she dried up quickly when I helped her up to my small boat. Her clothes were unusual textile of white.” My father added to his story.

“Even though that kid was unusual, I still rowed my boat. She instructed me the direction. After half an hour of rowing my boat, I finally saw an Island. That island was small, Dang. But as I looked at it, there were a lot of people standing by the beach. The island was well-lit. Their clothes were all the same, their skin was all the same like the little girl I went with. As we docked, I was asked to come down by an old lady. She said she was the mother of the child I brought. Her daughter told her what happened. That she was pushed by her friends from the boat they were in, and that I was the one who helped her. Her mother came to me and touched my chest where my heart was and said “every hardship you are facing will be let loose by God, the cleanliness of your heart is how clean the blessing that is coming to you. Go home to your wife and children, don’t look back. You will arrive at your destination no matter what.” My mother listened intently to his story.

“I turned my back Dang, and pushed my small boat to the sea. I did what she told me, I did not look back. But I felt it, they disappeared as soon as I stepped on the seawater, the lights also disappeared, but I still did not look back. The waves became calm, and the rain stopped. I didn’t notice that I already arrived home” My father said as he finished his story about what happened to him at the sea.

I no longer heard what they were talking about as I fell asleep. My heart was already happy.

When morning came, I was awakened by a commotion below our stilt house. When I listened, my father was calling my mother.

“Dang! Dang! Come quickly, look at what is here in my small boat!” My father shouted to my mother. I saw my mother come down hurriedly to the stairs, while my father was standing, the seawater going up to his knees while he was looking at his small boat. I peeped from the spaces of our bamboo floor to see them.

“Allahu Akbar! Dang, those are pearls!” My mother answered. When I looked at my father’s small boat, it was indeed pearls, a lot of them! My father’s small boat was filled with pearls of different colors and sizes. Unbeknownst to me, it was the morning that would change the course of my family’s life. Blessing from Allah through a clean heart.

Those pearls changed how our lives went by. I was able to go to school in Jolo, along with my brothers. We were also able to buy a house- a cemented and well-furnished one in Jolo. My mother was able to help her colleagues whose job was to make and twist ropes. They already have a factory to produce them fast. Our home in Maimbung was rebuilt stronger. We no longer suffer from used-up groceries in the kitchen. My brothers and I are now able to eat three times a day. And the most important among all, my father no longer needs to sail the perilous and windy sea just to catch fish. My father was able to start a business not only at sea, but also on land, a halal business. My father was able to obtain big boats which he let our neighbors borrow so they could have a safe fishing trip. My father’s small boat was added with boats of bigger size, but my father still uses his small boat until now.

            Now! That was the story I want to share with you while I eat patulakan here in this wooden port near our house in Maimbung. How about you? What is your story?

 

 

 

Nelson Dino

Under the canopy of a star-filled sky, where the ocean whispered secrets to the moon, on the Sanga-Sanga Island where I live, I thought of our tradition of traversing the Sulu Sea from Tawi-Tawi to Sandakan. For generations, my family had traversed the azure expanse, our home a sturdy boat swaying with the rhythm of the waves. But fate, like the tides, is unpredictable. My decision to step onto solid ground was not born out of necessity but out of curiosity. The allure of the land, with its promises of steady work and new experiences, called to me like a siren’s song. One fateful morning, I bid farewell by waving my left hand with a green handkerchief to the endless horizon and setting foot on the sandy shores of a village called Tubig Sallang.

In my subconscious mind, I thought of looking for a job in Bongao town. In this unfamiliar world of concrete and hustle, my heart still yearned for the gentle sway of the sea. As I walked through the market in Bongao town, I met an old woman. She brought me home to work at her house. As I always heard, it pays a lot, enough for me to buy what I like, compared to just waiting for the fish captured from the sea for me to sell, as I used to do. The old lady introduced herself as Bu Titti, who owns a stall selling vegetables in the Bongao market.

“You can work with me.”
“Is the food free?”
“Yes. You only wash clothes.”
“How much do I get to be paid?”
“Stay in. 800 pesos. It is usually 500 pesos.”
“Magsukul, Bu.”
“What’s your name?”
“Lina Raki. Just call me Lin.
“Bring this cellophane, Lin. Let’s go home.”

As days turned into weeks of work, I found solace in the rhythm of my new routine, with a meager fee but enough for me to keep for my needs, as the food was free. From dawn till dusk, I toiled tirelessly, weaving threads of cloth and scrubbing away stains, my hands becoming an extension of my determination. Amid the busyness of Bongao town, I discovered moments of quiet beauty. I learn new faces and stories daily, weaving stories of human connection and transcending language boundaries.

Amid this joyous laughter and warm companionship with Bu Titti, my heart still yearned for the beckoning call of the vast and ever-changing sea. During the tranquil hours of the night, I would quietly sneak away to the shore, feeling the salt-laden breeze gently caressing my tired soul. I would whisper my innermost secrets to the waves, my dreams and aspirations carried away by the ocean currents. Even though I had left the boat behind, the sea would forever course through my veins, an ever-present reminder of my true self and roots. My spirit remained as boundless as the ocean, flowing with the tides of change.

I thought the hearts of every woman in my community beat to the rhythm of the ocean, a timeless melody that has stood the test of time. As I spent more time in the lively town, I struggled with a decision torn between the familiarity of the sea and the excitement of a new home. Every morning, I woke up feeling longing, my heart pulling in two directions like a boat caught in a tempest. However, I discovered an inner strength amid my inner conflict.

“Home was more than just a physical space but a place defined by the bonds of love and resilience she carried,” I thought before getting up from bed. As time passed, I learned to embrace the duality of my existence, finding beauty in the ebb and flow of life’s currents. Ultimately, I discovered that home was not just a fixed destination but a voyage of the soul, where true treasures lived within myself, in the strength of my spirit and the depth of my heart.

As I continued my journey doing my work in the house of Bu Titti, I encountered new horizons and unfamiliar stories, each offering lessons and revelations. Along the way, I met my fellow tribes seeking the same direction, wanting to work in the town, and others simply seeking companionship. With each passing day, I learned to embrace the uncertainty of the voyage working in other people’s houses, knowing that I would always find my way within the ebb and flow of life. I saw the destination I sought and discovered the profound truth that the most incredible adventures led me back to myself. I reminisced about the scent of salt in the air as I sat at the bow of our boat, basking in the warmth of the setting sun.

I thought of returning to Tubig Sallang, living again underneath the canvas of the night sky, where I could share moments of quiet intimacy with my parents, where words became unnecessary, and only the language of touch and shared glances spoke volumes. Here, I can find the soft glow of moonlight. I found a sanctuary where the boundary between my thoughts blurred and time stood still. I thought my footsteps left imprints in the sand, marking the path of my journey from land back to the sea. With each gentle breeze, I laughed like the waves, carrying whispers of promises yet to unfold, like the sun dipped below the horizon, painting the clouds with vibrant hues of peach. At that moment, amid the serenade of the ocean’s lullaby, I knew Bu Titti’s love was not merely a destination but a timeless voyage bound by the magic of our intertwined souls.

 

Almayrah A. Tiburon

Kung paano ako na-excite sa una, ikalawa, at ikatlo kong anak ay ganun din sayo. Ilang beses ka naming pinag-usapan ng tatay mo kung anong ipapangalan namin sayo. Hindi ako nangialam sa ibinigay niyang pangalan kung lalaki ka pero sa pangalang babae ay dapat ding ipagkatiwala niya sa akin.Ngunit dalawang linggo na akong dinudugo habang ipinagbubuntis ka at nakaapat na ring pumunta sa doktor upang i-monitor ang kalagayan mo. Dalawang buwan ka pa lang sa sinapupunan ko pero mahal na mahal na kita. Pumunta na kami ng tatay mo sa doktor at iniinom ang mga gamot na ibinigay sa akin.

Sa ngayon ay hindi ako komportable dahil tila may menstruation ako pero ito ang pinakamatagal na menstruation sa buhay ko simula noong unang datnan nang dalaga pa ako. Hindi ako komportable dahil medyo kumikirot ang baba ng puson ko. Hindi ako komportable dahil ramdam kong ang daming dugo na naimbak sa loob, na magiging okey siguro ang pakiramdam ko kung mailalabas lahat pero nangangamba akong baka sumama ka. At hindi ako komportable kung nakahiga lamang sa kama dahil may tatlo kang kapatid na kailangan din ako.

Umalis ang katulong natin at ang naging set up ay Linggo ng gabi’y pupunta ng Wato sa lugar ng tatay mo. Lunes, alas kwatro ng madaling araw ay uuwi ng MSU at maiiwan sina King at Precious, si Cozy ay kasama namin dahil nag-aaral. Hihintayin namin ni Cozy sa gabi ang tatay mo galing trabaho mula Iligan para muling umuwi ng Wato. Alas kwatro kinaumagahan ay uuwi na naman ng MSU at darating ng Wato na tulog na ang dalawang bata. Marahil ay napagod din sila sa kahihintay sa amin. Yan ang araw-araw namin na talagang nakakapagod sa utak kaya nagkasakit ang mga kapatid mo at nakaapat kaming napunta sa hospital. Marahil ay napagod din ang katawan ko at kulang sa tulog habang nasa hospital dahil sa pag-aalala.

Ngayon nama’y kailangan kong alagaan ang sarili ko para sayo dahil gusto kitang makita at makasama habang nabubuhay ako. Gusto kitang ipaghele gabi-gabi kahit pa sa mga panahong may iniinda, ibig kong alagaan ka kahit maubusan man ng lakas. Sa tuwing iisipin ang ating kalagaya’y tunay na ang bawat gabi’y nagkukumot ng lungkot, nagiging maingay ang pintig ng puso tuwing tinitingnan ang napkin na puno ng dugo at biglang lumakas ang pintig ng dibdib  nang makitang may buo na dugo sa bowl nang ako’y umihi. “Lailahailallah, kapit ka lang anak ko, kumapit ka lang,” ang nausal ko.

Kinabukasa’y agad na nagpacheck-up sa doktor at laking pasalamat namin ng tatay mo na nasa sinapupunan pa rin kita, marahil ay dahil sa ayaw kong bumitaw sa paniniwalang magkikita tayo at tatanda akong kasama ka.

Iniisip ko na nga ang araw na isisilang kita, na sa paligid ko’y ang putimputing silid, ramdam ang ilang oras na pananakit ng tiyan, na palakad-lakad bilang ehersisyo dahil alam kong makatutulong yun sa mabilis mong paglabas, na sa mga oras na yan ay walang anumang namamahay na kaba at takot sa isip, batid kong muling mararanasan ang kirot at pamimilipit sa sakit at sa kalagitnaan ng pag-ere ay naaaninag sa tuwi-tuwina sa mga nars ang pag-aalala nila pero matatag ang doktor na ipapanganak kita, na kahit na nanghihina na ako nang lumabas ka mula sa aking sinapupunan ay ibig kong marinig sa pagkatagal-tagal na paghihintay ang maliit na tinig ng iyong pag-uha. Gusto ko rin ang marahang pagpihit ng pinto, papasok ang tatay mo’t sabik na makita tayong dalawa habang pinagmamasdam ko rin ang iyong payapang mukha na bumabagay sa dalisay na pagkaputi ng kama at kumot na iyong kinahihimlayan. Paumanhin kung sosobra ako sa kung anuman ang dapat gampanan ko sa inyo bilang isang ina.

Alam mo, gaya ng mga kuya mo at ate, nais kong maranasan na mabuhat ka, kalungin, patawanin, at yapusin upang maging komportable at mapanatag ka’t makatulog nang mahimbing. Gusto kong sabihin sayo tuwing umiiyak ka sa gabi na nandito lamang ako lalo na sa mga panahon ng kapanglawan, magbibigay ako palagi ng lakas sa pagkakataong nanghihina kayo dahil sa mga pagsubok ng pagkakataon, magbibigay ng liwanag kapag pusikit ang mundo ninyo.

Hindi ko alam ngunit tunay ang aking pananabik sa iyo at kapag nandito ka na sa mundo ay yayakapin kita ng aking mga salita at ipaghehele ng aking mga kataga. At marami pa akong gustong maranasan sayo bilang nanay mo. Ipagpaumanhin ninyo lamang kung lumabis man ang pagiging nanay ko sa inyo.

Kanina lang, ikalabing-apat na araw na bleeding at ikaapat na punta na rin sa doktor. Walang lumalabas na salita sa akin nang marinig kong wala ka na, na hindi ko mapigilan ang mga luha habang nagpapaliwanag ang doktor at nakikita ko ang monitor sa ultrasound.  Bago kami lumabas ng clinic ay binigyan niya ako ng gamot at ang sabi’y bukas o sa susunod na araw marahil ay kikirot ang tiyan ko na parang ang sakit ay yaong manganganak, phamalilit ika nga. Ang kaibahan nga lang ay makakaramdam ako ng sakit gaya ng panganganak pero hindi kita makakapiling at hindi rin maipaghehele.

Ayessah Nesreen Pasagi

“Hala! Talaga? Nasaan na ngayon ang mga magulang niya?”, tanong ni Amer sa kung sino mang kausap niya.

Kararating ko lang sa bahay galing eskwelahan sa oras na iyon. Mga alas kwatro na ng hapon. Nag-uusap-usap sina Omi, Amer, at ng kaibigan ni Amer na mahilig magdala ng balita sa buong barangay, si Orakmama.

“Oo, bumalik na naman doon ang mga magulang niya para i-check ulit. Nagbabakasakali sila na may pag-asa pa”, rinig ko ang boses ni Orakmama habang umaakyat ako papuntang kwarto. Tila ba may nangyayari na namang hindi kanais-nais. Bihira lang kasi pumasok sa bahay si Orakmama tuwing naghahatid ng balita, nakasanayan nang nasa labas lang siya ng gate kapag nagbabalita. Ngunit ngayon ay nasa sala siya at seryoso ang mukha.

Hindi na ako nakisali sa usapan nila dahil kararating ko lang kaya dumiretso na ako sa banyo para maligo. Inaasahan kong aalis din si Orakmama kapag maghahapunan na kami at ang isyu na pinag-uusapan nila ay matatapos din.

Naghanda na kami ni ate ng kakainin namin sa hapunan. Wala sa bahay si Papa kaya binawasan ko ng isa ang mga platong nilagay ni ate sa mesa.

“Sana okay lang ang bata. Mabait pa naman iyon”, wika ni Omi habang kami ay kumakain. Hindi ko alam kung sino ang tinutukoy niya at wala akong balak alamin kung sino. Halos linggo-linggo na kasing may nangyayari sa barangay namin kaya nakakapagod nang alamin ang lahat.

“Hindi ba’t kasama niyong pumunta sa eskwelahan si Sara?” tanong ni Omi sa akin.

“Ha? Opo, kasama namin kaninang umaga. Napano pala siya?”, nagtataka kong tanong. Si Sara ay kaklase ko noong nasa elementarya pa lang ako at kami ang laging magkasamang pumupunta noon sa paaralan, magkatabi lang kasi ang bahay namin. Sabay din kaming lumaki at kilala na namin ang isa’t isa simula pagkabata. Ngayong high school lang kami nagkahiwalay ng pinapasukang paaralan, pero sabay pa rin kaming pumupunta dahil medyo malapit lang ang school niya sa school namin.

“Pero ngayong hapon, hindi niyo siya kasamang umuwi?”

“Hindi… nakasanayan na naming hindi siya nakasasabay sa aming umuwi minsan eh”

“Balita ni Orakmama kanina may nangyari raw sa kaniya. Noong lunch time ay hindi raw siya nananghalian sa classroom nila at nakitang sumama sa mga kaibigan niya”

“Siguro nag-explore lang sila sa tabi-tabi at uuwi rin mamayang malapit nang mag-alas sais”

*

Pumatak na nga ang alas sais pero mas dumami ang mga tao sa labas ng bahay nina Aling Normi, ang nanay ni Sara. Nakaramdam na ako ng kaba dahil sa dinami-rami ng nangyari sa barangay namin, ito lang ang may sangkot na kaibigan ko.

“Ano palang puno’t dulo ng ganap?”, tanong ko kay Amer.

“Ganito kasi ‘yon. Si Sara, ang kasama niyong pumunta sa school, ay hindi raw nag-lunch sa classroom nila at sumama na lang sa mga kaibigan niya. Isa sa mga kaibigan niyang ‘yon ay ang anak ni Ustadh Salman na si Sittienor. Si Sittienor ay nasa bahay na nila kanina pa, nakauwi nang ligtas at wala raw alam sa kung nasaan si Sara. Sabi sa tsismis parang lutang daw si Sittienor noong tinatanong nila, ang daming sinasabi at tumatawa’t umiiyak pa. Tapos, noong tapos na nilang kausapin siya, narinig nila siyang humihingi ng tawad sa tatay niya. Sabi raw niya, ‘Aydaw, Abi, miyasokar ako o manga ama tano a datu ago manga ina tano a bai. Phamangni ako rekano sa rila’, tapos bigla na naman daw tatawa.” Naku, itay, lagot ako sa mga ninuno natin. Humihingi ako ng kapatawaran sa inyo.

“Ahh… nasobrahan yata sila sa pag-explore”

Mahigit alas siyete na ng gabi nang dumating ang motor na sinakyan ng mga magulang ni Sara sa paghahanap sa kaniya. Dali-dali akong sumilip sa may bintana. Kitang-kita ko ang mga tao na ang iba pa ay may hawak na flashlight. Pumasok sa loob ng bahay nila si Aling Normi at hindi ko na nakita ang ekspresyon sa mukha niya. Pinalibutan pa siya ng mga tao at sabay-sabay nagtanong ng kung ano-ano. Hindi talaga mawawala sa mga pangyayari si Orakmama, naroon na naman siya at pumasok din sa bahay nina Aling Normi, kasabay ng iba.

Ilang minuto ang nakalipas at dumating si Orakmama sa bahay na parang may dalang pasalubong.

“Tonaa kon i miyasowa?”, tanong sa kanya ni Amer. Ano raw ang nangyari?

“May nagsabi raw sa kanila na sina Sara at mga kaibigan niya ay pumunta sa may ilog sa Malaig noong tanghali. May dala raw na maraming C2 ang mga kaibigan niya at doon daw sila kumain at nag-inom. Pagkatapos nun ay naglangoy-langoy sila… Ayan na! Ayan na!” Tumakbo na naman si Orakmama sa kabilang bahay dahil may dumating doon na puting multicab.

“Hoy, hoy! Matulog na kayo. May pasok pa kayo bukas. Ikaw rin Orakmama, lagot ka sa nanay mo”, sabi sa amin ni Omi pero kumaripas na ng takbo si Orakmama.

Pumasok na ako sa kwarto kahit ayaw ko pang matulog. Ano kayang posibleng nangyari kina Sara? Sana hindi totoo ang kutob ko.

Lumakas ang ingay sa kabilang bahay at nakarinig ako ng biglang humagulgol.

“Subhanallah! Miyatoon iran so wata” sigaw ng isa. Subhanallah! Nahanap din nila ang bata.

Ilang minuto pa, may nag-uusap na naman sa sala at ang narinig ko lang ay “Ang lamig na niya. Hindi na siya makilala. Yakap-yakap pa siya ng kaibigan niyang si Hata habang sila ay nasa tubig. Nakaipit daw ang isang paa niya sa may bato nang mahanap sila”.

At umiyak na nang umiyak si Aling Normi buong gabi.

Amirol A. Mohammad

Sumabog ang isang transformer na gumising sa akin habang nahihimbing ako sa pagtulog. Malakas pa naman ang ulan ngayon at ang sarap pang itulog ang buong araw na ito.

Kailangan na ngang gumising at nag-iingay na ang mga busina ng mga magagarang sasakyan. Ang iba naman ay naka-payong para hindi mabasa sa malakas na buhos ng ulan.

Maliligo na nga at mahuhuli na sa klase, magagalit na naman sa akin sina Maam at Sir pag liliban ako. Mag aalmusal na din at naghanda na si Ina ng paborito kong sunny side up.

May bagong gatas palang binili sa akin si Ina. Pinagluto niya pa akong “sindag”. May pa-hotdog pa nga eh. Pero mas paborito ko parin ang dabest “palapa” niya.

“Pakagan ingka man kuman, khalate ka d’n, ilayangka man so oras.”

Nako, sinermonan na naman ako ni Ina, araw-araw na lang ito. Pero syempre nasanay narin ako, eh mahal ko yan eh.

“Anda ka sung orak?” tanong ni Kuyang Driver sa akin na may nginunguya pang pulang kendi, tapos bigla niyang idudura. Ewan ko ba anong kendi yun, hindi naman nabibili sa tindahan yun.

“Sa eskwelaan kaka,” sagot ko naman sa kanya habang nakatitig sa nginunguya niya. At umalis na nga kami, hinatid niya ako sa school ko. Nandon yung mga kaibigan ko hinihintay ako sa may gate.

“Tuna p’man e plano?” tanong ko agad sa mga kaibigan ko. Alam ko magyayaya na naman ito ng iskapo. Pero hindi ako pumayag kasi mapapagalitan ako ni Maam at Sir.

“Nako, late ka naman orak, saan ka na naman nagpupunta?” Ito yung bumungad sa akin sa classroom. Ang gulo kasi nitong mga kaibigan ko eh. Kinukulit akong mag iskapo.

At buong araw na nga akong nasa paaralan para mag aral. Sinundo pa ako ni Ina noong pauwi na ako. Sabi pa nga niya, “Tunaaya orak? Kyaburing ginan a susuluten ngka.” Sabay hawak sa aking kamay. Tumawid at umuwi kaming sabay.

“Pangunab ka na gu ka sambi sa bangala,” sabi sa akin ni Ina. Pero hindi niya ako natiis kaya pinaliguan niya ako at binihisan.

Gabi na noon, habang naglalaro ako sa may tablet na binili ni Ina sa akin noong birthday ko. Biglang tinawag ako ni Ina, nagmamadali at natatakot.

“Pakaganing ka san kuman, sung ta pn sa ingud, sa ki bapa aka.”

“Ngaynoto ina?” tanong ko sa kanya. Sinagot niya lang ako ng “basta pakaganing ka san badn” habang naiiyak na siya at nanginginig sa takot.

Nag-iimpake siya ng mga gamit, isinara niya lahat ng mga bintana at pinto. Bigla siyang napaupo at binukas ang kanyang mga palad. Nagdasal habang umiiyak siya.

“Wasaya dn ka lumyo tano,” sabi niya noong matapos agad ako sa aking kinakain. Hinawakan niya ako sa kamay at sabay kaming lumabas ng bahay. Naiwan ko ang tablet ko, babalikan ko sana pero hahayaan nalang daw sabi ni Ina.

Paglabas namin ng pinto ng bahay, nabigla ako at nakasara na ang mga bahay ng aming mga kapitbahay. Nakapatay ang mga ilaw at wala akong marinig na mga ingay.

“Pagda kano, pakagani niyo,” sigaw ng isang driver ng kotse sa aming dalawa ni Ina. Tumakbo kami agad ni Ina papuntang kotse. May dalawang mag-inang tumakbo din at sumakay agad.

Umiiyak na si Ina habang hawak hawak niya ako. Hindi ko maintindihan kung ano ang nangyayari. Noong dumating kami sa sasakyan nagmakaawa si Ina. At isinakay ako bigla, ipinatong sa isang babaeng nakaupo.

Hinalikan ako ni Ina sa noo, niyakap, at hinagkan ako habang umiiyak siya. “Tumunog ako bu ow, pyapya ka ruu taman sa dako ro pn,” habilin pa niya. Biglang umalis ang sasakyan nang hindi nakasakay si Ina.

“Ina akn!” Sumigaw ako ng malakas. Bigla akong naiyak. May nakita akong mga flag na itinataas ng mga hindi ko makilalang mga tao.

At biglang may malakas na sumabog sa aming likuran. Nakita kong tumakbo si Ina paalis sa kinatatayuan niya. Natakot ako, umiyak ako. “Ina!” sigaw ko sa loob ng sasakyan, habang umiiyak lahat ng nasa loob ng sasakyan.

Nagsunod sunod ang mga malalakas na pagsabog. Nagsisigawan ang mga tao. Nagkakagulo at nagtatakbuhan sa takot ang bawat isa.

At hindi ko aakalaing iyon ang huling halik at yakap ni Ina sa akin. Hindi ko inasahan na iyon ang huling araw na masisilayan ko siya.

At sumabog ulit ng malakas.

Anim na taon na rin pala ang nakalipas. Nagising ako mula sa mahimbing na pagkatulog. At ginigising ako ng kaibigan ko. Ang sarap pa namang itulog ang araw na ito.

Kailangan na ngang gumising at nag iingay na ang mga busina ng mga magagarang sasakyan. Ang iba naman ay nakapayong para hindi mabasa sa malakas na buhos ng ulan.

“Pagnaw ka san dn, sisaya dn so kikir’k sa tinda, ph’l’l’ka siran dn,” sabi ng kaibigan kong ginigising ako. Tumakbo agad kami ng mabilis papunta sa kabilang kanto.

“Ru ka sa sabala kanto ow, mamagilaya tano saya bu maalib’t tano aya,” sabi ko sa kaibigan ko.

Ang unang kinita kong sampung piso pinambili ko agad ng juice na tig-lilima ang baso at isang kalahati ng kwek-kwek na pupunuin ko lang ng sawsawan para mabusog ako.

Lalapit agad ako sa isang ate at isang kuya. Bubuksan ko ang aking mga palad at baka may iaabot sila. Kahit piso lang yan, makakabuo ako ng pera diyan.

Tatabi ako minsan sa mga kumakain at baka bibigyan ako ng makakain. Kahit tira-tira yan, papatusin ko yan. Kesa naman sa magutom.

Minsan hindi mamimigay, papaalisin ako, at pandidirian. Nasanay na rin ako. Minsan aapakan po ang paa ko, at itutulak palayo. Nasanay na rin ako.

Sino ba namang hindi mandidiri sa isang batang lansangan na natutulog sa kalye, minsan sa harap ng tindahan pag sinwerte na walang magbabantay, para lang makasilong.

Sinong hindi tutulak sa batang lansangan na ‘di kayang magbihis, makakaligo lang pag uulan, papatuyuin ulit ang damit at susuotin kahit basa pa.

Sinong hindi magpapaalis sa batang lansangan na mangangalabit, manghihingi, at manunuyo. Nasanay na rin ako.

Nasanay na rin akong makita ang ibang batang pumapasok sa paaralan at inihahatid ng mga magulang. Natatawa nalang ako.

Nasanay na rin akong magutom sa buong araw, makakain pag may nagbigay ng kalahati ng burger o kaya’y mga piso na hindi na kailangan.

Nasanay na rin ako na sa araw araw na buhay ko kailangan kong maging matatag, kailangang lumaban, kailangang mabuhay mag isa.

Nasanay na rin akong sambitin sa araw araw ang mga salitang bibigkasin pag manghihingi ka ng piso.

“Mayto, Mala” na minsan ay ginagawa pang biro ng mga swerteng mga bata na ‘di pinagkaitan ng mundo.

“Mayto, Mala”. Minsan ito, minsan wala.