Aminah Fernando Kunting
Conclusion
Sometimes,
the buzz of the world suffocates.
Sometimes,
I have to focus on simply breathing.
I force myself to feel
the air enter my nose,
visualize it go down my lungs
and feel them expand.
Sometimes,
I have to close my ears.
Most times,
I try to find the peace.
Mostly,
I swallow my pride and anger
and hope people learn what it means to be kind
Mostly,
I grapple at air and old wisdom
trying to remember what sabr means.
But
most often,
I simply shuffle my feet,
and tell myself this is all momentary.
Other times,
I blink
and
everyone is older
then I wonder,
where has all the time gone.
in those times,
I regret this:
“I could have done better”
and yet,
time always seems to catch up
right
before the promise.
Still.
often, lately
for now,
I keep my pace
steady.
I
watch one foot ahead of the other,
walk as steady as I can
to the end.
til before then,
I yield to gratitude.
remember:
I am not
whole,
yet.
and it is
not
the end,
yet.
I Dread
When, inevitably, I shall be asked to spell fear;
I will show you Gaza—
hands, scratched and bruised,
blistered.
still searching under the rubble
for any sound of life.
If I were to be asked to spell fear;
I will show you Gaza—
fractured lungs, desperate for air
wheezing
still laughing at little joys
of seeing children alive.
If I were to be asked to spell fear;
I will show you Gaza—
battered arms and legs, unable to walk or grasp
immovable
still with a smile to pass, they have fought
to hold their right.
If I were to be asked to spell fear;
I will show you Gaza—
disfigured shapes, all just a mass
ignored
still a full life left behind them
always hoping for the truth
If I were to be asked to spell fear;
I will show you Gaza—
damaged, scarred, maimed
patient
still seeking to relieve others of their hardship
despite of
If I were to be asked to spell fear;
I will show you Gaza—
lips, despite despair
consistently moves: “Hasbunallahu Wa Ni’mal Wakeel – حَسْبُنَا اللَّهُ وَ نِعْمَ الْوَ كِيلُ”
repeating
“Allahu Akbar”. “Allah is sufficient for us.”
Continuously. Relentlessly. Despite of.
If I were to be asked to spell fear;
I will show you Gaza—
because I cannot spell fear
without unearthing and unveiling its true manifestation:
that even in ruins,
with grace and quiet,
will not falter and break in this dunyaa.
that, even in obliteration,
still trust Allah.
despite of.
“Abd, Abd”
I keep forgetting
it is not how much I do
nor how much I forgive;
it is not how many
orphans I feed
or the number of
sunnah prayers I pray;
it is not how lacking I have behaved
or how patient I have tried to become;
I keep forgetting
it is not me or my deeds
but
rather,
Allah’s Mercy
Allah’s Greatness
Allah’s forgiveness
that keeps me
here,
still.
…
The flower opens quietly
its petals ruffle slightly
as the wind blows
the stem stands firm
and rooted to the ground
irrespective of where the head sways.
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